Like most of us with penises, Zachary Loring longed to make sweet, sweet love to Sorority Row star Audrina Patridge’s throat. When the 24-year-old actress ignored his poems, love letters, and outside-the-window loitering (What? No Mariachis?), Loring decided perhaps he’d like to strangle Patridge’s throat instead and sent her violent drawings of women being choked.

Patridge immediately filed a restraining order against Loring in September, citing she was “in fear for her physical safety and emotional well-being.”

Yesterday morning, Loring was arrested outside Patridge’s home. He is being held on $160,000 bail on a felony stalking charge.

Guys, if you’re gonna court women out of your league, stick to the tried-and-true methods: mountains of cash and cocaine. Works every time.

Actor Matt Lanter (Sorority Row, “Star Wars: The Clone Wars”) appears to really have enjoyed his kink-fueled sex scene with “Gossip Girl” Leighton Meester on the set of their new Screen Gems’ thriller The Roommate.

The actor crows to E! Online:

It’s a really exciting love scene. It’s kind of kinky, I’ll tell you that. I think people will really enjoy it. Leighton’s a really cool girl, so it wasn’t really awkward. She’s pretty hot.

The Roommate is an update on the Bridgett Fonda thriller Single White Female and stars Meester as an emotionally unstable college coed obsessed with her dorm-mate, played by Minka Kelly (Devil’s Highway). The film costars Twilight’s Cam Gigandet and “The Vampire Diaries” Katerina Graham.

The Roommate moves into theaters on September 17.

Sometimes while I peruse the internet in search of Japanese tentacle porn and deals on kitchen appliances, I come across stuff that just makes me laugh.

This is one such example:

Are they in San Francisco?

I was always under the impression that Elle magazine was a sophisticated glamor magazine for women and not the kind of rag you jerk off to in the toilet. Well, judging from its upcoming March 2010 issue featuring slender brunette stunner Olivia Wilde, I was wrong.

The 25-year old star of Disney’s upcoming reboot Tron: Legacy and director Jon Favreau’s Cowboys & Aliens strikes some pretty provocative poses, including one on all fours with her ass in the air (pictured above), commonly known as the “Face Down, Ass Up; That’s the Way We Like to Fuck.”

The following photos aren’t as stroke-worthy, but they’ll get you out of a pinch if nothing else is handy.

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Terminators and transformers trip the light fantastic in the new sci-fi flavored music video from hip-hop artist the Black Eyed Peas. Over ten minutes in length, “Imma Be Rocking That Body” finds the Peas battling robots and civilians who dare attempt to not rock their bodies to the band’s infectious beats.

Of course, the most rewarding reason to sit through this video is to watch Fergie strut and shake her ass in revealing Barbarella-inspired outfits. The dancing robots are cute, but I’d be more than happy watching the Duchess take a squirt  on the floor for 10 minutes.

Check out the video:

Newcomer Zoe Sloane headlines indie studio Blinky Productions’ murderous-Lolita thriller Daddy’s Girl. Written. produced, and directed by some guy named Chris R. Notarile, Daddy’s Girl revolves around a teenage girl named Jessica who puts the hurt on her enemies while manipulating her alcoholic, widowed father into protecting her.

Hmm. Sounds like my sister.

Check out the trailer:

LatinoReview has printed a letter reportedly sent to Universal Pictures by Twi-hard fan Kayla Patterson who accuses the studio of ripping off The Twilight Saga: New Moon werewolf character for their own lycan feature The Wolfman (a remake of Universal’s 1941 monster-movie classic).

Patterson takes Universal to task for turning werewolves into a “deformed mutation of a rabid dog” and scoffs at the ludicrous idea that they can be killed with silver bullets. The upset tween goes on to mock The Wolfman for its failure to beat Valentine’s Day at the box office and points out that Twilight’s Taylor Lautner is the only true and original wolfman.

Check out the letter:

This movie was a complete waste and I feel that it offends ALL Twilight Fans around the world, that including myself. For one, it was a COMPLETE remakingof the Wolf Pack from the Twilight Saga: New Moon. It gives the werewolves a bad name and makes them look like some deformed mutation of a rabid dog. I actually started to like werewolves after seeing Jacob Black and all his awesomeness on the big screen at the movies.

That was until I saw your crappy remake of what you call to be a “were wolf”. I don’t see how you live with yourself for making it the way you did. If I made this movie, I would be ashamed to even admit that I owned it. How can a werewolf be killed with a silver bullet*? Better yet, have you saw the transformation of the man that is “supposed” to be the wolf? He sits in some chair and his entire body turns in to some mutated freak.

If you would watch the transformation of Jacob Black, (Taylor Lautner) he doesn’t come close to looking as fake, cheap and or mutated as the wolf man.  You tell me, who looks to be the better werewolf. Your stupid Wolf Movie didn’t even make the top Movie for the charts; Valentines Day WITH TAYLOR Lautner! Get that this is MY oppinion and I felt I wanted to express it because I saw that your email was on your site. I wanted to let you know this is what i thought of the wolf man that sucks.

FREAKIN LAUTNER DID! TEAM JACOB- cuz hes a REAL WEREWOLVE!

Universal Pictures The Wolfman is in theaters now. Personally, I feel it offends Teen Wolf fans all around the world. Team Fox! He’s the real werewolf!

Writer/producer Kevin Williamson (“The Vampire Diaries”) announced plans for a new Scream trilogy back in November. Original players Courtney Cox, Neve Campbell, and David Araquette soon confirmed their involvment in Scream 4. The only question left was if director Wes Craven would return to helm the project.

The answer is yes. According to an LA Times interview with Craven, Scream 4 goes into production in May.

An early synopsis for the film, made available during last year’s American Film Market, reads:

The horror series that reignited the genre and grossed more than $500 million worldwide is back! From Kevin Williamson, creator of the original Scream trilogy, the new film sees the return of cast members Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, and David Arquette along with a group of new stars, who can all hopefully stay alive long enough to figure out the new rules to this one-of-a-kind horror franchise!

The original Scream film was truly innovative, funny, and offered some genuine scares and quality kills. The sequels not so much. However, I am looking forward to this relaunch. Not only do I think Williamson has had enough time to reinvigorate the franchise with some new ideas, but I also feel that actress Courtney Cox has gotten ridiculously hot during the last few years.

Are you guys watching “Cougar Town?” No, it’s not horror, but—damn—she’s rocking a tight body guaranteed to leave some stiffs in its wake.

Check her out on Jimmy Kimmel:

A new featurette for Warner Bros. upcoming fanatsy-epic Clash of the Titans has hit the web. The clip includes on-the-set interviews with the cast and director and provides plenty of new footage from the film.

Take a look:

Directed by Louis Leterrier (The Incredible Hulk), Clash of the Titans stars Sam Worthington as Perseus, Liam Neeson as the all-mighty Zeus, and Ralph Fiennes as Hades, lord of the underworld. The film arrives in theaters on April 2, 2010.

Anchor Bay Entertainment has acquired distribution rights in the U.S., Canada, Australia, New Zealand and the U.K. for Cine Tel Films’ remake of Meir Zarchi’s controversial 1978 revenge-thriller Day of the Woman, re-released as I Spit On Your Grave in 1980.

(UPDATE: Check out Sarah Butler’s in new Grave poster and the just released full-length trailer)

Directed by Steven R. Monroe, I Spit On Your Grave features newcomer Sarah Butler in the role of Jennifer Hill (originally played by Camille Keaton), a young novelist on a mission to maim, dismember, and murder the men who brutally and repeatedly gang-raped her while she was on holiday in the woods.

(See the Butler’s ass make a cameo in the NSFW trailer)

Movie critic Roger Ebert dismissed Grave as a “vile bag of garbage” upon its release, but the gory flick remains a cult favorite among aficionados of non-consensual sodomy and group sex.

Fans of Zarchi’s film are understandably skeptical about Monroe’s update, questioning if he can really get away with keeping the flick’s torture and rape sequences true to the original. Monroe has addressed those concerns by promising an even more brutal take on the material.

He tells Moviehole:

I know that fans of the film and haters of the film are already up in arms about the remake and already saying that I am going to screw it up and chicken out of doing this and doing that… But I hope that maybe they can at least wait till the film is released and make a educated decision then.

We upped the brutality and length of the tortures and kills – as they were quite short in the original – which was really a disturbing Thriller at heart not a Horror film. I also wanted to update the look of the film and give it a very voyeuristic quality and gritty realism.

To achieve his goals, Monroe needed a gullible courageous actress willing to believe his lies accept the challenges of the role. Monroe found his huckleberry in Butler, a 25-year-old fledgling starlet from Tacoma, Washington.

He says:

She took this role on fearlessly and nailed it like I don’t think anyone else could have. I can’t and will never say enough about her. There are also a lot of horror fans out there already complaining that the cast is all no names, I can personally guarantee you that no actress with a name would have had the guts to pull of what Sarah did or went through during shooting, no way. She is awesome.

Translation: She gets naked.

Butler, who had never seen the original film prior to being cast, put her trust in Monroe’s vision.

She tells Pretty Scary:

I tried to just remember my faith in our director, Steven (Monroe), and things that he told me. I was just really relieved by the fact that he was a completely normal guy. He came onto the project – he was hired by CineTel – and it’s kind of one of those things that if this had been someone’s “passion project,” I would have been a little bit questioning their personality, you know what I mean?

But everyone was so cool, you know, and that goes for the crew and the cast as well. Everyone was very protective of me while we were shooting and making sure that I always had everything I needed.

At one point, one of the prop girls gave me this huge Hershey’s chocolate bar after we finished filming one of the rape scenes. She says, “Here, I just thought this would make you feel better after today.” Which is sweet!

Wow, and all this time, I thought rape had to be followed with blunt force trauma to the head and ditch digging. Boy, do I feel foolish!

Anchor Bay will release I Spit On Your Grave in theaters in the fall. Home editions will follow during the first quarter of 2011.