Rob, did you know that every time you say actor or acting you lower your voice to a whisper?
He’s genuinely startled. “I do?” Yes, so quietly it’s like you’re saying Negro.
He laughs, lightens up. “What if we were ‘acting’ like ‘Negroes’? Then we’d be fucked–we couldn’t hear anything. . . .”
Oh, no, he didn’t. I think this calls for a Million Man Movie March on Pattinson’s new rom-com Remember Me. Let the screen talking fly, my angry black brothers!
Slumdog Millionaire’s Freida Pinto is set to star in Tarsem Singh’s (The Cell) swords-and-sandals fantasy War of the GodsImmortals. The 25-year-old Indian actress and model will play Phaedra, an oracle priestess on a quest to stop an epic war between gods and men.
Freida Pinto? I don’t know about you guys, but my penis is doing a Bollywood dance number in my pants right now.
The film’s log-line reads:
A purported bastard who retains an allegiance to his mother despite the fact that he longs to join the quest of a king who is battling demons in ancient Greece later embarks on a grail of discovery that has him finding he is the king’s son and also fated to become his country’s greatest hero as he leads the successful war against long-imprisoned Titans who are hoping to use the demons to restore their power.
War of the Gods Immortals goes into production in April. Universal Pictures will handle distribution.
To read about Pinto’s new role in Rise of the Apes, go here.
Michael Jackson’s 17-minute sci-fi spectacle Captain EO returned to Disneyland today. The 3-D attraction features Jackson as the titular hero out to battle an evil witch (Angelica Huston) with nothing more than his music and crotch.
The 1986 short film was directed by Oscar-winning director Francis Ford Coppola and produced by George Lucas.
According to Disney, Captain EO will have a limited run at the theme park and will be shown three times every hour. Despite only attracting 50 people to its special 8 a.m. showing this morning, Disney expects EO to draw record crowds.
OK, we’ve reached the part of this post where I am required by blog-law to make a Jackson child molesting joke. I defer to the masters at Family Guy:
Looks like Captain Jack Sparrow may be Jacob’s newest candidate.
Sparrow’s vessel The Black Pearl has been docked on the island of Oahu, Hawaii, the same location where ABC has filmed its Emmy award-winning series “LOST” for the past six years. The fourth installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is set to begin shooting in the summer. Already on board for the movie are Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz.
Hmm. Well, if Sparrow loses his ship again, maybe he can find The Black Rock and get it back into shape. Both the Pirate movies and “LOST” are owned by Disney. So, here’s hoping for a cameo.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides arrives in theaters on May 20, 2011.
Platinum Dunes have released two new posters (pictured above) for its upcoming remake of the 1984 Wes Craven classic A Nightmare on Elm Street, arriving in theaters on April 30. The posters showcase Jackie Earle Haley as iconic child molester/killer Freddy Krueger.
Haley’s impressive creds include Zack Snyder’sWatchmen, Martin Scorsese’s Shutter Island, Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence (just checking to see if you’re paying attention), and Todd Field’s Little Children, for which Haley received an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of the film’s tormented child rapist Ronnie McGorvey.
Thandie Newton (2012, The Chronicles of Riddick) is facing relationship woes and a viral outbreak in Magnet Films’ upcoming thriller Retreat. Directed by newcomer Carl Tibbitts, the film costars Cillian Murphy (Inception) and David Tennant (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire).
Retreat centers on a troubled couple (Newton, Murphy) who while vacationing on a remote island are warned by a dying soldier (Tennant) about a deadly virus on the mainland. The film marks U.K. based Magnet Films’ first foray into horror.
Producer Gary Sinyor brags:
It reminded me of Dead Calm when I first read it. Only better. It’s got a similar sexual tension but the battle of wits between the characters and plot twists are constantly surprising. We’re delighted to have secured three of the UK’s most powerful actors.
Looks like Kirsten Dunst may have picked up some peculiar interests while shooting those old Spiderman movies. The 27-year-old actress engages in some sexy Cosplay action in director McG (Terminator: Salvation) and Japanese artist Takashi Murakami’s music video collaboration “Akihabara Majokko Princess.”
Despite the lack of tentacle rape, the video is still oddly sexy. Dunst, in “Sailor Moon” inspired majokko (“magic girls”) outfit and electric blue wig, frolics through Tokyo’s famed Akihabara shopping district while singing The Vapor’s beloved ’80s ode to masturbation “Turning Japanese.”
Take a look:
I’m not really sure why this project came about. I know it was part of London’s Tate Modern museum’s “Pop Life: Art In A Material World” exhibit last fall, but why do I get the feeling that, somewhere in Japan, Murakami is sitting in a tub of squids with Dunst’s stockings tied around his balls?
Former “NYPD Blue” babe Charlotte Ross is set to ride shotgun opposite Nicolas Cage in Summit Entertainment’s upcoming road-rage thriller Drive Angry 3-D. The milfy 42-year-old actress will play a waitress seduced by Cage during his quest to run down the assholes who killed his daughter and abducted his grandchild.
(UPDATE: TO READ ABOUT CHARLOTTE’S NUDE ROLE IN DRIVE ANGRY, GO HERE)
Ross rose to fame during her stint as Detective Connie McDowell on ABC’s crime-drama procedural “NYPD Blue.” A 2003 episode entitled “Nude Awakenings,” catapulted Ross to sex symbol status by featuring her gorgeous nude ass and impressive side-boobage in a controversial opening shower sequence that found her getting walked in on by a very young boy (why does that turn me on so much?).
I still remember the episode. It was as if my penis had written it. ABC was fined $1.4 million by the FCC in 2008. Why did the fine arrive five years after the offending episode had aired? My guess is it took the FCC that long to get their hands freed up to write up the paperwork.
I couldn’t find the actual episode to put here, but you can still get a good glimpse at Ross in the following clip (just try to overlook the idiotic pop-ups the poster added):
Drive Angry 3-D is directed by Patrick Lussier (My Bloody Valentine 3-D) and costars Amber Heard, Billy Burke, and David Morse. The film is slated to be in theaters on Feb. 11, 2011.
Disney’s Alice in Wonderland Ultimate Fan Event was held Friday night in Los Angeles at the Hollywood and Highland Center. Sponsored by Hot Topic, KIIS-FM, and MySpace, the star-studded event included onstage appearances by director Tim Burton and stars Johnny Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Anne Hathaway, Matt Lucas, Cripin Glover, Michael Sheen, and Helena Bonham Carter.
Sadly, Avril Lavigne was not on hand to perform her new single “Alice (Underground)” from Buena Vista Records’ Almost Alice soundtrack, but the record label’s shitty D-list artists Metro Station, Never Shout Never, 3OH!3, and Kerli were on hand to provide the evening’s musical entertainment.
Alice in Wonderland will be in theaters on March 5. To see a trailer, click here.
Disney’s film adaptation of Ubisoft’s hit video game Prince of Persia: Sands of Time arrives in theaters on May 28, 2010. The fantasy-actioner is directed by Mike Newell (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) and scripted by Jordan Mechner, creator of the Prince of Persia game. Jerry Bruckheimer (Transformers) produces.
The following is a pretty bad-ass three-minute making-of featurette:
Prince of Persia: Sands of Time stars Jake Gyllenhaal (Zodiac, Donnie Darko), Ben Kingsley (Shutter Island, Suspect Zero), Alfred Molina (Spiderman 2, Identity), and Gemma Arterton (Clash of the Titans 2010).
