By Eddie Muertos on January 7th, 2014 at 12:57 am
Category: Trailers /
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If you thought Sharknado rocked, wait till you see Stonados! The Arc Entertainment release finds a freak storm in Boston creating a twister that hurls stones at breakneck speeds upon its citizens. The thriller arrives on DVD Jan. 28.
Stonados stars Paul Johansson (“One Tree Hill”) as a storm chaser out to save the day with the help of his insanely hot sister, played by Miranda Frigon (pictured above). The film is directed by some guy named Jason Bourque (Doomsday Prophecy) and written by another dude named Rafael Jordan (Dragon Wasps).
A trailer has gone online for director Tommy Wirkola’s sequel to his 2009 cult Nazi- zombie hit Dead Snow. Titled Dead Snow: Red Vs. Dead, the film finds a Norwegian survivor teaming up with an American group of professional zombie killers to battle the undead Schutzstaffel.
Dead Snow: Red Vs. Dead stars Martin Star (“Freaks and Geeks”), Derek Mears (Friday the 13th), Ingrid Haas (Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World), original players Vegar Hoel and Ørjan Gamst, and Norwegian stunner Amrita Acharia (pictured above).
Wirkola made his English language film debut this year with Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, starring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton. A sleeper hit in the U.S. and international blockbuster, the movie earned more than $225 million worldwide.
Delphine Chaneac, the beautiful French actress who enthralled horror fans as the genetically altered sexy beast Dren in Vincenzo Natali’s Splice, returns to the genre in writer and director Nicholas Bushman’s Stranger in the Dunes.
Stranger in the Dunes stars Chaneac and Mike Dwyer (Sandbar) as a troubled married couple who host a dinner party at their beach house that turns deadly. A 30-second teaser has gone online, and is posted below for your viewing pleasure.
The two-minute trailer features a bit more plot and plenty of scantly-clad college coeds. The film arrives on DVD on Feb. 11.
Sorority Party Massacre finds a college town sheriff teaming up with a big city cop to investigate a 20-year string of sorority sister abductions and murders. To read Clatto’s exclusive interview with Marissa Skell (the blonde in the black shorts pictured above), click here.
Startup distributor A24 will release Jonathan Glazer’s Under the Skinin North America on April 4. The sci-fi drama isan adaptation of Michel Faber’s debut novel of the same name, and follows an alien disguised as a seductive big-breasted woman as she hunts for men to turn into food for her species.
By Eddie Muertos on January 3rd, 2014 at 2:36 am
Category: Lists /
Tag: Sex /
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The New Year is is well underway and, like most of you, Clatto has already broken its resolutions and is feeling ashamed. So, what better time to share our list of The 10 Sexiest Horror Films of 2013? Finding “sexy” in movies about rape, revenge, murder, monsters and serial killers is vile and repulsive.
We did it in 2010, 2011, and 2012… and swore never again! But, here we are with our annual list of the horror flicks that scared us stiff, so-to-speak. Shame on us! Comment, complain, or better yet… contribute. What sick and twisted movie titillated you in ways you never thought possible since having your uncle arrested?
Enjoy:
10. SHE-WOLF (MUJER LOBO)
Mujer Lobo is Argentinian filmmaker Tamae Garateguy’s erotic frightener about a “multi-faced” female werewolf who seduces men to fuck her before turning them into kibble and bits. Stunners Mónica Lairana, Luján Ariza and Guadalupe Docampo each play the she-wolf nude-fully.
The starlets are hot and curvy, and the nudity spectacular and jiggly, while the sex is aggressive, often ending in brutal violence. Presented in black-in-white, the film looks extremely arty, which should help if caught by one’s jealousy-prone significant other.
Peep it:
9. THALE
Those looking for some tail can find it in director Aleksander Nordaas’ Thale… literally. The creature-feature is based on a deadly woodland nymph known in Norwegian folklore as the Huldra, a beautiful cow-tailed woman that is not nearly as fun as one would imagine a chick with a tail to be.
Norwegian babe Silje Reinamo plays the Huldra and, as is to be expected of an actress playing a character whose prominent feature is a tail, has a plump and bootylicious backside that really sells the story. Reinamo even goes the extra mile by performing full-frontal nudity. Now, that’s commitment.
Peep it:
8. BREAKING THE GIRLS
Jamie Babbit’s Breaking the Girls, a lesbian re-imagining of Alfred Hitchcock’s 1951 psychological thriller Strangers On a Train, stars Madeline Zima (“Californication”) and Agnes Bruckner (The Pact) as friends who agree to kiss and make-out with each other while plotting how to murder each others enemies.
Babbit (The Quiet) directs from a script by Guinevere Turner (American Psycho). Regrettably there’s no nudity in Breaking the Girls, but it does feature some hot scantly-clad lesbian romps between Bruckner and Zima and Bruckner and Kate Levering (the hot skinny chick on “Drop Dead Diva”).
Peep it:
7. FROZEN GROUND
As far as serial killers go, none seemed to enjoy spending more sexy-time with his victims than Robert Hansen, the Anchorage-based rapist and murderer who over a 12-year span sexually violated and then slaughtered 24 women by stripping them naked and hunting them like game in the Alaskan wilderness.
Frozen Ground tells Hansen’s story in a disappointingly watered-down manner. Rather than focus on Hansen’s sadistic rapes and hunts, the film relies on solid acting performances by John Cusack as Hansen and Nicolas Cage as the detective who brings him to justice.
Vanessa Hudgens provides the film’s stroke-value as the teen stripper/prostitute who managed to escape from Hansen after being abducted, raped, and banged with a hammer. There’s no hammer-time in the thriller, but Hudgens does perform an extremely slutty panty-clad striptease complete with leg spreads.
Peep it:
6. SCHISM
The world premiere of writer/director Adam Gierasch’s new gonzo/noir frightener Schism was held this year at the 13th annual Screamfest LA film festival. Callum Blue (“Dead Like Me”) stars as a Baton Rouge chef trying to make sense of the terrifying visions that haunt his mind.
OK… some of those visions—like the one pictured above—are what sweet dreams are made of. But, what really makes this film one of the sexiest of 2013 is co-star Ashlynn Yennie’s most memorable performance since Human Centipede.
Yennieplays his gorgeous and supportive girlfriend, going beyond the call of booty in a lengthy full-frontal nude sex scene. Schism has yet to acquire distribution, and a new edit may end up on screens when it does, but we can’t un-see what we saw so it makes the list!
5. HIDDEN IN THE WOODS (En Las Afueras de la Ciudad)
Chilean director Patricio Vallardes incest-fueled survival thriller Hidden in the Woods (En Las Afueras de La Ciudad) stars busty stunners Carolina Escobar (pictured) and Siboney Lo as sisters sexually abused by their backwoods, drug dealing father until the day he murders two cops and is sent to the pokey.
The girls barely have time to pull up their knickers when their drug lord uncle and his crew show up to rape and take over business. The girls hide in the woods, turning tricks to survive before having no choice but to fight back. Escobar goes topless, while Lo provides the booty shots.
Peep it:
4. BLACK ROCK
Black Rock follows three childhood girlfriends as they set out to reconnect during a weekend getaway at a deserted island off the coast of Maine. Trouble starts when the alluring trio hook up with three poachers they unexpectedly meet on the island.
When the campfire fun turns to attempted rape, the girls have no choice but to run, fall, get naked and fight back! Black Rock features director and star Katie Aselton’s nude debut and busty co-star Lake Bell’s second go in the buff. Kate Bosworth is also along for the ride, but sadly keeps her knickers on.
You can peep the nude scene here, or watch the trailer right… hey, where’d you go?:
3. I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE 2
I Spit On Your Grave 2 stars Jemma Dallender (“Hollyoaks”) as an aspiring model lured to a photo shoot in New York only to be raped, tortured and taken to a foreign country where she endures more rapes, golden showers, and penetrations with a cattle prod. Things don’t even get better when she’s buried alive and left for dead.
This is the kind of movie that is meant to make you feel really, really bad for the victim. Unfortunately, one’s penis can be a cold and unfeeling motherfucker. But, don’t feel bad. Your penis is an innocent. It doesn’t know you shouldn’t chain pretty women up and go all R. Kelly on them.
The only thing your penis knows is that Jemma Dallender is pretty hot and goes completely nude throughout the first half of the movie. The film, a sequel to Steven R. Monroe’s 2010 remake of the controversial 1978 Meir Zarchi rape-revenge thriller, is also a bit lighter on the male torture (no shotguns in the anus).
Peep some clips:
2. EMBRACE OF THE VAMPIRE
Pretty blonde up-and-comer Sharon Hinnendael goes nude as the lead in Anchor Bay Entertainment’s remake of the 1994 cult classic Embrace of the Vampire, an erotic supernatural thriller about a college virgin’s sexual awakening at the hands of handsome vampire.
Hinnendael plays Charlotte Wells, the chaste young woman seduced in dreams by a vampire promising her a life of emotional and sexual fulfillment. Co-stars Kaniehtiio Horn (“Hemlock Grove”) and C.C. Sheffield go topless, while Chelsey Reist (No Tell Motel) goes down hard on Hinnendael during a heated lesbian romp.
Peep it:
1. +1 (PLUS ONE)
Plus One is set at the biggest party of the year and finds a group of college kids drinking and fucking on the eve of a meteorite crash that screws up the space-time continuum.
The film takes Clatto’s top honor for a variety of reasons: Ashley Hinshaw (Chronicle) and Chrissy Chambers’ (Road Trip: Beer Bong) bikinis, Hannah Kasulka’s (What to Expect When You’re Expecting) naked breasts, and newcomer Crystal Lo’s nude body buffet and naked karate kick.
Trumping them all, however, is Natalie Hall (“Pretty Little Liars”), making her nude debut as Melanie, a party girl who not only gets naked a lot, but ends up meeting her nude clone while getting ready to bang some dude!
By Eddie Muertos on December 30th, 2013 at 3:04 am
Category: Lists /
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Clatto has never done a “best of the year” movie list before, but we figured what the fuck. Most of the time we’re too lazy to write up a proper review, so this is a fun and easy way to acknowledge what blew us away. Feel free to add your own choices and/or gripes below!
10. CURSE OF CHUCKY
It’s hard to imagine that a straight to DVD Chucky release would end up in a top ten list, but franchise creator and writer Don Mancini surprised fans of the not-so Good Guy Doll with a dark reboot of the beloved ’80s slasher that was chockful of violent fun and just the right amount of nostalgia.
Curse of Chucky once again featured Brad Dourif as the voice of Chucky and introduced his sister Fiona Dourif (”True Blood”) as Nica, a wheelchair-bound woman grieving the suicide of her cruel mother while playing host to her domineering older sister’s family.
Peep it:
9. AMERICAN MARY
American Mary is the story of a broke and disenchanted med school student, played by Katharine Isabelle (Ginger Snaps),who starts to work the underground surgeries circuit for profit and thrills. Twin filmmakers Jen and Sylvia Soska wrote and directed the critically acclaimed thriller.
Isabelle, working off the Soska’s funny and fucked-up script, is a blast to watch as she goes from awkward, but kind, body modification surgeon to sadistic and vengeful torturer out to make the man who raped her, a professor and a renowned surgeon, pay by hacking off his limbs and modifying his frank and beans.
Peep it:
8. WARM BODIES
Warm Bodies is a romantic comedy rom-zom adapted from Isaac Marion’s debut novel about the unlikely love affair that develops between a zombie (Nicholas Hoult) and the girlfriend (Teresa Palmer) of one of his victims (Dave Franco).
Written and directed by Jonathan Levine (All the Boys Love Mandy Lane), Warm Bodies rose above what could have simply been a cute hook to deliver a touching and very funny love story that plays with zombie tropes in a way that is fun, but shouldn’t piss off the genre’s fans.
Peep it:
7. YOU’RE NEXT
Director Adam Wingard and screenwriter Simon Barrett’s You’re Next was praised as unique and terrifying from a variety of movie critics that clearly haven’t seen a lot of horror. That’s not to say the film isn’t good; it’s very good. But, it’s no Strangers.
You’re Next is, however, an exciting and brutal film with a sexy and captivating star in Sharni Vinson. She plays the girlfriend of the Davison family’s eldest son, and their only hope for survival when a group of masked killers invade their vacation home.
Peep it:
6. THE CONJURING
SAW and Insidious director James Wan’s The Conjuring stars Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga as real-life married demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren, best known for their work on the infamous Amityville Horror case of 1975.
Written by Chad and Carey Hayes (Whiteout), the plot—based on true events—follows the horrifying ordeal faced by the Perron family in 1970 after moving into a haunted Rhode Island farmhouse. The film was a bona fide blockbuster, and an example of how frightening good storytelling can be.
Peep it:
5. AFTERSHOCK
Producer Eli Roth and Chilean director Nicolás López’s Aftershock is a white-knuckle disaster flick inspired by the aftermath of the 2010 Chilean earthquake. A Hangover for horror fans, the film creates a truly terrifying situation that could happen to any of us while visiting a foreign country.
Aftershock stars Roth, Ariel Levy and Nicolás Martínez as dudes whose efforts to get laid by sisters Lorenza Izzo and Andrea Osvárt and their Russian model girlfriend Natasha Yarovenko during a night of club hopping are thwarted when an earthquake and tsunami hit.
Peep it:
4. NO ONE LIVES
No One Lives is a hyper-violent revenge/slasher that lives up to its title. Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura (Midnight Meat Train), the film stars Luke Evans as a vicious serial killer out to slaughter the gang of lowlifes that made the grave error of abducting him and his female companion in an attempt to rob them.
No One Lives features plenty of gruesome kills and a fierce performance from Evans as the film’s psychopath. His back story is especially fucked up. The flick co-stars stunner Adelaide Clemens (Silent Hill: Revelations), Laura Ramsey (The Ruins) and Playboy model America Olivo (Maniac).
Peep it:
3. EVIL DEAD
The Evil Dead reboot was directed by Fede Alverez, the aspiring Uruguayan filmmaker who caught Sam Raimi’s attention with an ambitious four-minute-plus short titled Panic Attack. Alverez wrote the screenplay with help from Academy Award winning writer Diablo Cody (Juno, Jennifer’s Body).
In his re-imagining of the beloved 1981 classic, Alverez gutted all humor out of the story and replaced Bruce Campbell’s iconic hero Ash with a teen female junkie trying to kick heroin. It had all the makings of a disaster, but instead proved to be a refreshingly unique remake chockful of gore and disturbing imagery.
Peep it:
2. DARK SKIES
Blumhouse Productions’ Dark Skies was for some inexplicable reason not marketed like the studio’s other releases (Paranormal Activity, Sinister, Insideous, The Purge), despite being every bit as good if not better. The lack of buzz, along with its stupidly generic title, kept the film from reaching much of an audience.
It’s a shame considering Dark Skies is the creepiest and best written alien abduction thriller since M. Night Shyamalan’s Signs. Keri Russell and Josh Hamilton play parents who, after a series of horrifying and unexplained occurrences, believe aliens have targeted their youngest son for abduction.
Peep it:
1. THE SEASONING HOUSE
Award-winning FX artist Paul Hyett’s (Woman in Black) directorial debut The Seasoning House is a heartbreaking, cat-and-mouse thriller about an orphaned deaf-mute girl forced to tend to the teen prostitutes at a Balkan rape house. When her friend is sexually battered to death, she exacts revenge and flees for her life.
Fast & Furious franchise star Gal Gadot has come under fire by those who believe her tiny boobs will keep her from accurately portraying Wonder Woman in Warner Bros. and director Zack Snyder’sMan of Steel sequel Batman Vs. Superman. Making matters worse, the Israeli starlet has no intention of purchasing a pair of DD bolt-ons.
I represent the Wonder Woman of the new world. Breasts… anyone can buy for 9,000 shekels and everything is fine. By the way, Wonder Woman is amazonian, and historically accurate amazonian women actually had only one breast. So, if I’d really go “by the book”… it’d be problematic.
Maybe… but one big, bouncy, juicy DD is better than two pancakes.
Gadot reportedly edged out French starlet Elodie Yung (G.I. Joe: Retaliation) and Ukrainian goddess Olga Kurylenko(Oblivion) for the role. Mexican soap star Gaby Ramirez could have been a contender as evident by her Playboy pictorial—totally worth the subtitles that may be needed!
Batman Vs. Superman will have Man of Steel actors Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Laurence Fishburne and Diane Lane reprising their roles. Batman will be played by Ben Affleck, stepping in for Christian Bale, who played the Caped Crusader in Warner Bros. Dark Knight trilogy.
Batman Vs. Superman is slated to arrive in theaters July 15, 2015.
Fall Out Boy have released a music video for “Death Valley,” the eighth song from their 2013 CD, “Save Rock and Roll,” and the newest chapter in their 11-part music video horror story, “The Young Blood Chronicles.” The new video features Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee as a dope-dealing Satan.
“Save Rock and Roll” has surprised us her at Clatto. We’ve never been fans, but the disc is a solid release, and “The Young Blood Chronicles” is intriguing and fun. Cameos, like Lee’s, are creative, and the videos feature plenty of creepy imagery and hot semi-nude girls. See the entire series here.
WGN America has released a 46-second teaser for its first scripted series “Salem,” starring Janet Montgomery (Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead) Set in 17th century Massachusetts, the show centers on the town’s infamous—and fun looking—witch trials. It premieres in the spring.
“Salem” stars Montgomery as Mary Sibley, the ruthless and beautiful wife of an ailing Salem Selectman, Ashley Madekwe (”Revenge”) as Montgomery’s confidant, Xander Berkeley (”Nikita”) as Magistrate Hale, and Seth Gabel (”Fringe”) as Cotton Mather, an aristocrat who oversees the witch hunts.
