Scarlett Johansson stars in director Rupert Sanders’ (Snow White and the Huntsman) big screen adaptation of the Japanese manga Ghost in the Shell. Johansson plays The Major, a sexy special ops cyborg who in the manga has no qualms about killing people while nude.

Unfortunately, Paramount Pictures has squashed all hope of seeing a nude Johansson assassin with the release of a 13-second teaser revealing the fugly thermoptic suit Johansson will be wearing in place of going gloriously nude.

Peep the horrific suit:

Producer and asshole Avi Arad believes audiences will be satisfied to see Johansson in the suit and tells Collider blah, blah, blah.

Avi Arad said:

She’s not actually naked. This is a whole suit she’s wearing. The thermoptic. We’re not actually trying to pretend she’s naked. Some of the stuff she wears in the anime and the manga, when you make a movie things become much more literal.

If you’re in a world with someone walking around in a thong, we’re not in a world where that was going to feel natural. So we didn’t do it. But in cases when you’re being born… that’s why they call it the birthday suit.

Don’t know about you, but we don’t want to live in a world where beautiful women walking around in a thong isn’t natural. In fact, we think women in thongs should not only walk, but run, jump, stretch, do cartwheels, jump some more, fight, drive, fly, crawl, stand, sleep, and scoop ice cream.

Arad added:

We weren’t going to have Scarlett or The Major character running around naked in the action scene for a million reasons. It would be strange. It was also cool as there is a vulnerability wearing something like [the thermoptic suit].

No, Arad, it’s not cool. It’s not strange and it’s not cool. It could have been cool… but now it’s not.