It’s a great time to be a fan of Halloween haunts. From the annual big-budget events to the new alternative fright experiences, there are many ways to live out one’s nightmares. Finding an attraction that’s big on both scares and production values, however, is like scoring a King Size Snickers bar in the ole jack-o-lantern.

The Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor haunt in Long Beach, CA is just that: a super-sized treat guaranteed to satisfy. The attraction features six frightful mazes (maybe the longest around in all of Los Angeles?) including its newest called The Circus, a big top splatterfest where victims are clowned by ghoulish jokers inside a claustrophobic house of mirrors, before being subjected to the goriest show on earth.

Dark Harbor is also home to a circus sideshow this year. Spectators stepping into the four shipyard containers to view the freaks are left alone in the pitch black that is lair to the Shadow Spirit; the thick mist that hides the White Spirit; the realms ruled by disfigured oddities Headless Hannah and The Human Crab; and at the mercy of Sparky, a toasted corpse out to burn onlookers with his sidesplitting zingers.

Dark Harbor’s creepiest mazes are those that sprawl out on board the Queen Mary: Submerged, Hellfire, and Deadrise. Roaming the historic ocean liner’s narrow corridors, engine rooms, and hulls makes for a unique and creepy experience that everyone should live through at least once. Just standing inside the ship captures the imagination… captures and beats the shit out of it with an oar.

Should anyone’s heart come dangerously close to stopping, Dark Harbor provides a handful of rides to get the adrenaline pumping, including a high speed zip line above event grounds—which my wife, Mrs. Muertos, rode while I held her purse on terra firma… What? The keys to my very manly hemi-powered pickup with the shotgun rack on top were inside.

Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor is now open and runs through Nov. 2. Tickets and complete event details can be found here. The event is a lot of fun and trumps last year’s Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Hollywood. Just saying.