So that tsunami and earthquake combo that practically destroyed Japan … that was no natural disaster. That was an act of God. An act of a God who anticipated the release of director Noboru Iguchi’s (Machine Girl) outrageous scat-themed splatter show Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead.

Described as “the most crap-tastic zombie movie ever to emerge from the sewers of low-budget filmmaking,” Zombie Ass stars 18-year-old newcomer Arisa Nakamura, Mayu Sugano (pictured above), Asami (Rape Zombies), Yuki (Paradise Kiss) and the very busty Asana Mamoru.

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The film has a synopsis:

Wracked with guilt over the suicide of her sister Ai, who was tormented by high school bullies, pretty young karate student Megu (Nakamura) accompanies a group of older friends on a camping trip into the woods: smart girl Aya (Sugano), her druggie boyfriend Také, big-boobed model Maki (Mamoru), and nerdy Naoi.

Things start to go badly when Maki finds a parasitical worm inside a fish they catch – and wolfs it down alive, in the hope that it’ll help keep her skinny! Soon after, and not so unexpectedly in situations like this, zombies show up and begin to complicate things further.

After they’re attacked by a crowd of poop-covered undead who emerge from an outhouse toilet, the group seeks refuge at the home of strange Dr. Tanaka and his daughter Sachi.

But unbeknownst to them, Tanaka has been conducting experiments on the parasites—and the zombies!—and has another fate in mind for the five strangers from the city.

What’s the connection between the parasites and the zombies? And can Megu’s karate alone help them escape, or will she have to rely on the liberating power of farts to save the day?

Oh, yeah, Japan is doomed.

Enjoy the pics:

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Keri Russell (“The Americans,” “Felicity”) is set to star in the sci-fi thriller Dark Skies. The Blumhouse production is directed by Scott Charles Stewart (Priest, Legion) and costars some guy named Daniel Barrett.

Russell and Barrett will play the parents of a six-year-old boy who has been marked for abduction by an alien living among humans.

Russell doesn’t have a lot of horror under her garter belt, but did star in Grimm Love, a thriller based on the true story of a gay German man sentenced to life imprisonment after slaughtering and eating a willing victim he met in an internet chatroom.

Marvel Studios has released the first clip from Joss Whedon’s eagerly anticipated superhero mash-up The Avengers. To my surprise, it actually showcases the only female hero in the flick: Black Widow. Played by Scarlett Johansson, the Black Widow is … OMG! Look at those things jiggle:

Imagine waking up every day to rape and murder the same person. Over and over. Every day. Never a new victim.  Just the same one you’ve raped and murdered countless days before. Sure, it wouldn’t be so bad the first few days, but eventually you’d both stop trying so hard.

You wouldn’t run during the chase. The victim wouldn’t struggle as much. Soon, you’d move in together and the rape and murder would dwindle down to twice a week. The victim would think you’re just not into them, and you’d have to ease their insecurities with lies. Every day.

That is the skin-crawling horror that Columbian filmmaker Miguel Urrutia explores in his Groundhog Day/Momento inspired frightener Wake Up and Die, starring Peruvian stunner Andrea Montenegro and Luis Fernando Bohorquez.

Peep the trailer here (and, yes, Montenegro goes nude).

Angel McCord (pictured on left), kissing sister of “90210” starlet AnnaLynne McCord, is starring in actor-turned-director Brett Donowho’s (The Sacred) new roadside-motel based thriller No Tell Motel. Written by newcomer T.J. Cimfel, the story follows a group of five friends stranded in haunted woods.

The synopsis reads:

The old Horak place, an abandoned roadside motel tucked away in the woods just off Route H, is the stuff of local legend.

The place where little Angela Horak got run down in the middle of the road. Of course, that was nothing compared to what happened to her parents afterwards.

It’s not exactly the ideal place to get stranded. But that’s exactly what happens to adorable Megan Walsh and her four teenage friends when their RV gives up the ghost.

With no other options, the group reluctantly decides to hole up for the night in the crumbling motel’s mysteriously organized Room Six. It isn’t long though, before Megan and her friends discover they’re not alone

No Tell Motel costars Johnny Hawkes (Zombie Strippers), Andrew MacFarlane (Day 4), James Tyce (Catholic Cheerleaders for Satan), newcomer Chalie Howes and the very hot Chelsey Reist (Crowsnest).

McCord is best known for her playing Merle on Max After Dark’s new erotic series “Chemistry.”  Her only horror cred is Donowho’s The Sacred, in which she starred opposite Jeff Fahey (“LOST”) and Sid Haig (Devil’s Rejects).

Sonar Entertainment, formerly RHI Entertainment, has announced plans to reboot Clive Barker’s Hellraiser movie as a television series. Among the project’s producers is Larry Kuppin, whose New World Entertainment backed the first two Hellraiser movies.

From Sonar’s website:

One of the most successful (and terrifying) franchises in film history is ready for its weekly television debut.

For over 25 years, fans have followed the exploits of an insidious villain named Pinhead, summoned from a nightmarish underworld by an ancient puzzle box.

He will seduce you with power and tempt you with fear, until your soul belongs to him. Now, for the first time, a weekly series set in the fantastic realm of Hellraiser will thrill audiences worldwide.

Hellraiser is based on the Clive Barker novella “The Hellbound Heart.” The British author directed the very first film in the franchise, but regrettably sold the rights before it hit theaters in 1987. The film series is now on its ninth sequel, the awful Hellraiser Revelations.

Universal has released a red-band trailer for “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane’s feature film directorial debut Ted. The live-action/CG-animated comedy stars Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Joel McHale, Patrick Warburton, Giovanni Ribisi Jessica Stroup and Laura Vandervoort.

The film’s synopsis reads:

[Ted] tells the story of John Bennett (Wahlberg), a grown man who must deal with the cherished teddy bear who came to life as the result of a childhood wish…and has refused to leave his side ever since.

Why is Clatto posting on a comedy? Because it’s about a talking, walking, pot-smoking, womanizing teddy bear. I also crashed a screening of the flick and can honestly say that it’s hilarious—a demented, yet oddly sweet, classic.

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The first official trailer for Sony Pictures’ Total Recall has gone online. The Len Wiseman-directed remake stars Colin Farrell as Doug Quaid, a factory worker who starts to believe he’s a spy when his real memories and those he purchased from an implanting company start to blur together.

Also starring in the film are Kate Beckinsale as Doug’s wife Lori Quaid, Jessica Biel as prostitute-turned-resistance fighter Melina, Bill Nighy as the head of the resistance and Bryan Cranston as free world leader Chancellor Cohaagen.

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IFC Midnight has released a pretty intense looking trailer for Argentinean filmmakers Adrian and Ramiro Garcia Bogliano’s new frightener Penumbra. The film is the Bogliano’s followup to the 2010 abduction thriller Sudor Frio (Cold Sweat).

Penumbra stars Spanish actress Cristina Brondo as a lawyer who rents out an inherited dingy apartment to a mysterious man during a solar eclipse that brings forth horrific events. The movie arrives in selected theaters and VOD on April 20.

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