Upstart studio FilmDistrict has released the first full-length trailer for the world’s most boring shark attack movie Soul Surfer, the story of 13-year-old surfer Bethany Hamilton, who lost an arm at the jaws of a 14-foot tiger shark in Hawaii.

Despite the loss of her arm, Hamilton return to surfing a month after the attack. While I had hoped that Soul Surfer would take on a Jaws 4 “This time it’s personal” approach to Hamilton’s ordeal, it appears producers have gone with a more “90210”-very-special-episode angle instead.

Still, I feel the trailer has a place on this site because it depicts the truly horrific dialogue found in these type of overwrought inspirational tales. However, I am not completely heartless and was, indeed, moved to tears at the sight of Hamilton (AnnaSophia Robb)  finding the courage to once again attempt to tie on a skimpy bikini top over her young supple breasts.

Peep it: