Paradox Entertainment, the company behind Marcus Nispel’s Conan the Barbarian reboot, is set to launch Buck Rogers 3-D. Paul W.S. Anderson will direct the project from a script by Iron Man writers Art Marcum and Matt Holloway.

"Don't freak out, Erin, but there's a robot with a dutchboy haircut onboard."

Anderson tells Variety:

Buck has already been such a huge influence on action-adventure franchises like ‘Star Wars’ and ‘Indiana Jones,’ so for me it is a thrilling opportunity to be allowed to return to the source, and relaunch such an epic character.

The plot for the new Rogers film is being kept under wraps for now. But, like its source material, the story will center on a modern day pilot who awakens to find himself in the future.

The “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” comic strip ran from 1929 through 1967. In 1979, NBC adapted Rogers into a prime-time television serial starring Gil Gerard, Erin Grey, and Erin Grey’s camel-toe in a painted-on jumpsuit. The series ran for two years, but Grey provided boys with masturbation fodder up until the emergence of Slave Leia in 1983’s Return of the Jedi.

I fondly remember fondling myself at 6-years old while watching the episode where a bunch of sex-starved midgets attempted to strip Grey’s Col. Wilma Deering’s clothes off with their telepathic powers. Despite the fact that my baby-penis could only ejaculate rainbows at the time, I still knew it was a hot scene:

(Correct me if I’m wrong, beloved readers, but isn’t that the black midget from Bad Santa?)

I don’t care if Anderson casts a monkey’s turd to play Buck, but I am totally beside myself in anticipation to see who will play the new Wilma Deering. I can picture Natalie Portman in the part, but Anderson’s genre-director standing would most likely turn her away. Megan Fox would be good. Or, maybe, Rachel Nichols and her huge breasts (she’s already starring in Paradox’s Conan the Barbarian). Feel free to drop some names.

Anderson’s horror/sci-fi creds include Resident Evil, Death Race, AVP: Alien Vs. Predator, Soldier, Event Horizon, and the upcoming Resident Evil: Afterlife 3-D.