Disney has officially released the first set of promo shots from its upcoming  blockbuster sequel Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Sadly, the images don’t reveal French actress Astrid Berges-Frisbey nor Australian model-turned-actress Gemma Ward as the much buzzed about sirens out to seduce Capt. Jack Sparrow.

The photos do provide first looks at “Deadwood’s” Ian McShane as the notorious pirate Blackbeard and Penelope Cruz as his daughter Angelica (pictured above). Johnny Depp is also showcased as Capt. Jack Sparrow in a series of humorous predicaments.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and directed by Rob Marshall, the man behind such lavish productions as Memoirs of a Geisha, Nine, and the Oscar-winning musical Chicago.

Captain Jack Sparrow is one of Clatto’s 12 Heroes That Won’t Make You Feel Like An Asshole.

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DreamWorks has released a two-minute-plus teaser trailer for Michael Bay’s eagerly anticipated sequel Transformers: Dark of the Moon, arriving in theaters on July 1, 2011.

Word from middle aged asthmatic men who have never felt a woman’s insides is that the Transformer found on the moon is mechanoid Alpha Trion, one of the original 13 Transformers created by Tranny god Primus.

Peep it up:

So, is it Alpha Trion? I grew up on Kenner Star Wars toys so I’m obviously too cool to know.

Fans of French cinema and femme fatals will remember actress Anne Parillaud as the titular assassin in director Luc Besson’s 1990 actioner La Femme Nikita. Parillaud’s emotionally and physically balls-out performance quickly launched her career in the Hollywood, leading to roles in the 1992 John Landis vampires-vs-gangsters offering Innocent Blood and the 1998 Randall Wallace adventure The Man in the Iron Mask.

Parillaud, still very hot at 50, continues to work in mostly French productions. In Their Sleep, written and directed by Caroline and Eric du Potet, is no exception. Thankfully for those of us in the States, IFC Midnight is making the horror thriller available via VOD (Time Warner, Comcast, Cox, Cablevision, Bright House) on Friday.

The film’s official synopsis reads:

After the brutal death of her 18 year-old son, Sarah’s (Parillaud) life is in pieces. Late one night, her car accidentally hits Arthur, a young man the same age as her boy, who suddenly emerges out of the forest and onto the road. Wounded and frightened, he is running from a mysterious assailant, hunting him down after Arthur caught him red handed in the act of burglary…

Sarah sympathizes with him, taking him in, only to be tracked down by the burglar whose murderous rage towards Arthur forces her to take action. Unbeknownst to Sarah, things aren’t quite the way they seem… but by the time she finally realizes, it is too late to turn back.

Peep le trailer:

“Friday Night Lights” star Aimee Teegarden will be playing haunted house with Dennis Quaid in director Martin Guigui’s Beneath the Darkness. The film is currently shooting in Smithville, Texas and costars Tony Oller, Stephen Lunsford, Devon Werkheiser, the very sexy Amber Bartlett, and  Melody Chase (A Scanner Darkly).

Beneath the Darkness follows a 16-year-old boy struggling with the death of his best friend as he sets out to expose the “secrets” of a local haunted house.

Teegarden most recently completed work on Wes Craven’s upcoming sequel Scream 4. She also guest starred as a teenage confessor in the “Touched” episode of ABC Studios’ fantasy TV series “Legend of the Seeker.”

The MPAA has banned the poster for director Stevan Mena’s indie-slasher Bereavement over its depiction of a six-year-old boy carrying a very big knife alongside the serial murderer who abducted him (shown above). The film is a prequel to Mena’s 2005 feature film debut Malevolance.

He tells Fangoria:

The MPAA has banned the poster for depicting a child holding a weapon. It’s hugely disappointing, because that poster really encapsulated the plot of the film with an intriguing image. It’s a real setback for us, considering the challenges we already face competing for attention with a small budget.

The film’s synopsis reads:

In 1989, six year old Martin Bristoll was kidnapped from his backyard swing in Minersville Pennsylvania. Graham Sutter, a psychotic recluse, kept Martin imprisoned on his derelict pig farm, forcing him to witness and participate in unspeakable horrors. Chosen at random, his victim’s screams were drowned out by the rural countryside.

For five years, Martin’s whereabouts have remained a mystery, until 17 year old Allison Miller (Alexandra Daddario) comes to live with her Uncle, Jonathan (Michael Biehn). While exploring her new surroundings, Allison discovers things aren’t quite right at the farmhouse down the road. Her curiosity disturbs a hornet’s nest of evil and despair that once torn open, can never be closed.

Personally, I think the MPAA have read the poster all wrong. Yes, it conveys the film’s horrific plot, but it also speaks to how rewarding it is to mentor children. Sure, teaching a kid how to gut a hot chick isn’t going to provide much of a future for that kid, but it would boost the killer’s self esteem, something they commonly lack. Just saying.

Anyway, peep the trailer:

Albanian born actress Alma Saraci is set to star in writer/director John Regan’s Robin Hood-inspired vampire thriller Sherwood Horror. The 26-year-old upstart will play the vampire maiden Marion.

The synopsis reads:

Ex-con Rob Locksley returns home after a six-year absence to find his town under the rule of vampires. He must join forces with his old roughneck hunting buddies to wage war against the evil Sheriff and his horde of blood-sucking minions.

Saraci will take on the role of Marian, an elitist vampire, who is taken hostage by Locksley and his companions and begins to see Rob as someone worthy of being by her side.

Cameras are expected to roll on this disaster next year in Virginia.

To see Saraci in action, check out the direct-to-DVD releases Don’t Look Up, Diary of a Serial Killer, and 666: The Beast.

A creepy new trailer for director Brad Anderson’s (Sessions 9) The Vanishing on Seventh Street has appeared online. The film stars Hayden Christensen (Jumper), Thandie Newton (2012), John Leguizamo (The Happening), and pretty newcomer Jordan Trovillion as survivors of a mysterious event that appears to have disintegrated most of the earth’s population.

Peep it:

The footage is definitely engaging and the plot seems intriguing (kind of like ABC’s “FlashForward” minus the unionized extras). I also like the shot of Christensen stepping on a pair of eyeglasses as he exits a building to find that he is alone in the city, and imagine that it is a nod to the “Twilight Zone” episode “Time Enough at Last.”

Whadda ya think?

Horror movie queen Amber Heard dropped some unexpected news this weekend while walking the red carpet at GLAAD’s 25th anniversary party in Hollywood: She likes girls.

She tells AfterEllen.com:

I think GLAAD is one of the many reasons that I, as a 24-year-old, can come out. I think that organizations like GLAAD make that possible because if it weren’t for opinions being changed, people being influenced, people being engaged to do the right thing, then there would be no prerogative for anyone to come out.

I hate the idea of a label just as much as anyone else but I’m with who I’m with, I love who I love and I’m if not a better actress than I was yesterday and my personal life should have no effect on that. I think that the injustice of people staying in the closet is more than I can bear with a clear conscience and I couldn’t sleep at night if I was a part of that problem, if I was part of the lies.

I personally think that if you deny something or if you hide something you’re inadvertently admitting it’s wrong. I don’t feel like I’m wrong. I don’t feel like millions of people are wrong because they love who they love or they were born how they were born.

If your penis is like mine (large and bulbous), Heard’s revelation has probably caused it to have mixed feelings. But, rather than focus on the defection of Heard’s vagina to tuna town, we should instead imagine Heard making sweet, sweet love to someone like Odette Yustman underneath a waterfall while little birds chirp Linda Perry songs (that’s how lesbians have sex right?).

Oops. There goes that fantasy:

Amber Heard & Girlfriend Tasya van Ree

Heard will play it straight  next year in the Nicolas Cage supernatural-actioner Drive Angry 3-D. She can also be seen this month opposite Yustman in Studio Canal’s abduction thriller And Soon the Darkness. Her  additional horror creds include Zombieland, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, The Stepfather, and John Carpenter’s upcoming all-girl thriller The Ward.

Heard is part of Clatto’s esteemed list of The 20 Hottest Women Working in Horror/Sci-fi Today.

Selma Blair (Hellboy II: The Golden Army) and Rachel Miner (Penny Dreadful) have been cast in music video director Jeremy Regimbal’s feature film debut The Replicas. The home invasion thriller costars James D’Arcy (An American Haunting) and Josh Close (The Exorcism of Emily Rose), who also penned the script.

The Replicas follows a husband and wife as they attempt to survive an unexpected visit from a murderous couple the Sakowskis while visiting a family cottage to grieve the loss of their youngest son.

While it’s easy to see either Blair or Miner in the film’s homicidal hottie role, I’m hoping the part will go to Miner. Her bad girl performance as submissive-assistant-turned-ball-ripping-agent Dani on Showtime’s “Californication” is as infuriating as it is sexy. I’m eager to see just how mean she can play.

The Replicas is currently in production.

Clatto favorite Rachel Nichols has been cast as a regular on the long-running CBS crime show “Criminal Minds.” Nichols will play FBI Agent Ashley Seager, a profiler with giant breasts whose family history with a serial killer leads to her participation in a case with the bureau’s Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico, Virginia.

Nichols was initially set to appear on the show for a three episode arc, but her natural talents once again made it rain for the 30-year-old model-turned-actress.

Nichols creds include Platinum Dunes 2005 Amityville Horror remake, Summit Entertainment’s underrated P2 thriller (her first starring role), and last summer’s blockbuster G.I. Joe. She also held a memorable role as black-ops agent Rachel Gibson on the final season of J.J. Abrams’ “Alias.”

Nichols will next be seen in Lionsgate’s upcoming Conan the Barbarian remake.