President Barack Obama’s approval ratings will surely continue to drop if his State of the Union address is aired on Feb. 2—the same night that ABC’s “Lost” is set to premiere its sixth and final season. The White House is said to be deliberating between airing the President’s speech on Jan. 26 or Feb. 2. An official announcement is expected soon.

The State of the Union address is normally given in January, but the President may be postponing his speech to give democrats in Congress more time to work on their  health care bill. ABC has not commented on whether it would move the premiere, which it has been promoting relentlessly since November.

The country’s broke. Our kids are retarded. We’re all gonna die from the swine flu. That’s pretty much where we stand as a nation. The only thing I need to know on Feb. 2 is what happened to Juliette, Sawyer, Jack, and Kate at the Swan station.

Let’s hope for the best. In the meantime, enjoy Hurley in the following Mr. Cluck’s commercial:

Depressing news from director Darren Aronofsky’s Black Swan camp. The supernatural thriller, which showcases a sex scene between stars Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, will utilize body doubles for the actresses. Portman, who showed off her lady lumps in the Wes Anderson short film Hotel Chevalier, is blaming porn sites and horny movie reviewers for her decision to forgo nudity.

Portman tells UK Elle magazine:

I’m definitely not a prude about sex or nudity, I just don’t want do something that will end up as a screen grab on a porn site so meanwhile I’m doing halfsies – I’m like, ‘I’ll show my butt but not my boobs.

It really depressed me that half of every review on the film [Hotel Chevalier] was about the nudity. It made me think I shouldn’t have done it. My issue is that I feel it takes something away from what you’re doing when the focus is put on the wrong thing. My picture ended up on porn sites, and that’s the dilemma.

Anyone who begins a sentence with “I’m definitely not a prude” is always a prude. Well, let’s just hope Kristina Anapau picks up Portman’s nudity slack. If not, then you can scratch this flick off your movie-watching agenda and use that money to buy a month’s membership to some hot interracial porn site.

With the end of 2009 came a slew of top movie lists by critics and bloggers. But, how did horror fare at the box office in ’09? What did ticket-buying audiences watch?   The following is a list of 2009’s Top 15 Horror Earners at the box office (data courtesy of Box Office Mojo). I’ve also included a one sentence Buy, Rent, or Bury review.

1. The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Budget: $50 million

Domestic Gross: $288,798,541

Worldwide Gross: $683,098,541

Eddie Says: Bury. Vampires should not look like gay Abercrombie models.

2. Paranormal Activity

Budget: $15,000

Domestic Gross: $107,870,499

Worldwide Gross: n/a

Eddie Says: Rent. 20 minutes of creepy footage; an hour of nausea.

3. Zombieland

Budget: $23.6 million

Domestic Gross: $75,590,286

Worldwide Gross: $93,246,518

Eddie Says: Buy. Michael Cera wannabe Jesse Eisenberg is annoying, but Woody and a fun script make this golden.

4. The Final Destination

Budget: $40 million

Domestic Gross: $66,477,700

Worldwide Gross: $152,613,997

Eddie Says: Rent. Skip the 3D. It’s poorly executed. But, the film is still a good time, especially if you’re hopped up on booze or something!

5. Friday the 13th (2009)

Budget: $19 million

Domestic Gross: $65,002,019

Worldwide Gross: $91,379,051

Eddie Says: Rent. Jason looks awesomely intimidating, but the kills lack the creativity normally found in the series.

6. The Haunting in Connecticut

Budget: Unknown

Domestic Gross: $55,389,516

Worldwide Gross: $76,768,900

Eddie Says: Buy. Very creepy, underrated ghost film.

7. My Bloody Valentine 3-D

Budget: $15 million

Domestic Gross: $51,545,952

Worldwide Gross: $99,974,001

Eddie Says: Buy. Outrageous kills. Frivolous nudity. What’s not to love?

8. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

Budget: $35 million

Domestic Gross: $45,802,315

Worldwide Gross: $91,085,163

Eddie Says: Rent. Solid prequel and Rhona Mitra is hot.

9. The Unborn (2009)

Budget: $16 million

Domestic Gross: $42,670,410

Worldwide Gross: $76,513,691

Eddie Says: Buy. Critics panned it, but fuck them in the neck. This is a fun ride. Very creepy images. Gorgeous heroine. Best viewed home alone in the dark.

10. Drag Me to Hell

Budget: $30 million

Domestic Gross: $42,100,625

Worldwide Gross: $86,117,189

Eddie Says: Buy. Sam Raimi doesn’t miss a beat in his return to horror. Violent, gory, and funny—this is everything you want from the Evil Dead director.

11. Orphan

Budget: Unknown

Domestic Gross: $41,596,251

Worldwide Gross: $53,243,687

Eddie Says: Rent. Predictable, but the orphan girl sure is creepy.

12. Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2

Budget: $15 million

Domestic Gross: $33,392,973

Worldwide Gross: $37,665,801

Eddie Says: Bury. Rob’s fascination with all things white trash continues to desecrate John Carpenter’s Halloween. It’s a shame because he does have an eye for nightmarish imagery and a knack for shooting violence.

13. The Last House on the Left (2009)

Budget: Unknown

Domestic Gross: $32,752,215

Worldwide Gross: $44,388,363

Eddie Says: Buy. Brutally and relentlessly violent. Far superior to Wes Craven’s beloved original (which really sucks donkey balls). Better acting. Tighter script. Just ignore the microwave scene.

14. The Stepfather (2009)

Budget: $20 million

Domestic Gross: $29,062,561

Worldwide Gross: n/a

Eddie Says: Rent. I didn’t see this remake, but I’ll rent it off the strength of the original.

15. The Uninvited

Budget: Unknown

Domestic Gross: $28,596,818

Worldwide Gross: $40,659,634

Eddie Says: Bury. Cute girls, but this is PG-13 horror aimed at tweens. Skip.

Want more lists? Then check out the Ten Hottest Horror/Sci-fi Babes of the Past Decade and 15 Vampire Movies That Won’t Make You Gay.

“Lost” executive producers Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof  want fans to know that the upcoming sixth and final season of the Emmy award-winning show will be gratifying and “cliffhanger-free,” with the focus set firmly on resolving character arcs.

Lindelof tells The Hollywood Reporter:

It really boils down to: Is it satisfying? Have you given the audience an emotional ride that makes them feel they’re satisfied, that’s a good meal? The only question that’s ever mattered to us is what is going to happen to these people. What is the character resolution? That the audience feels like the characters had an arc — a beginning, middle and end. And I’m satisfied with that. All the crazy island mythology stuff, we love it, but it’s like terrorists attacking Jack Bauer — it’s stuff that happens in order to tell cool character stories.

Cuse adds:

Tonally it’s most similar to the first season of the show. We’re employing a different narrative device, which we feel is creating some emotional and heartfelt stories, and we want the audience to have a chance in the final season to remember the entire history of the show. So we have actors coming back like Dominic [Monaghan] and Ian [Sommerhalder]. We’re hoping to achieve a circularity of the entire journey so the ending is reminiscent of the beginning.

On whether there will be any “Lost” projects in the future, Cuse says:

The Walt Disney Co. owns “Lost.” It’s a franchise that’s conservatively worth billions of dollars. It’s hard to imagine “Lost” will rest on the shelves and nothing will ever be made with “Lost.” Eventually somebody will make something under the moniker of “Lost” — whether we do it or not. We just made a commitment to this group of characters whose stories are coming to a conclusion this May.

Lindelof echoes Cuse’s sentiment, stating that:

Sometimes the franchise transcends the storyteller. The definitive edition of “Lost” ends this May on ABC, and that is the story that we have to tell. It has a beginning, middle and end. That ending will not have cliffhangers, or be set up in such a way that people will be saying, “Clearly they’re going to make more of these.” We don’t have any connection to another TV series or movie, but there’s a new “A-Team” movie coming out, for god’s sake. This is a business that thrives on known commodities. “Tron” is the most buzzed-about Disney movie for next year, and it has been gathering dust for 20 years. I cannot imagine there will not be something with “Lost” on it involving smoke monsters and polar bears and time travel.

Personally, I would love to see a spinoff based on the DHARMA Initiative. There is just so much to that part of the “Lost” mythos that needs to be explored.

“Lost” begins its final season on Feb. 2. To see new posters and a series recap, click here.

Are you ready, beyotches?

Bitch Slap, director Rick Jacobson’s (“Spartacus: Blood and Sand”) ode to babes, bombs, and boobs, is finally upon us! To further fluff moviegoer excitement, the girls of Bitch Slap (Erin Cummings, America Olivo, Julia Voth) have released the following PSA announcement (courtesy of IGN):

To see more Bitch Slap clips go here and here. To meet sexy Asian costar Kinki click here.

The girls-gone-very-wild actioner opens in limited release tomorrow in Los Angeles, New York, and San Fransisco, but you’re gonna have to do some serious Map Questing to find the following theater locations:

Los Angeles
The Nuart
11272 Santa Monica Boulevard

New York
The Quad
34 West 13th Street

San Francisco
The Lumiere
1572 California Street at Polk

Bitch Slap will also be available on VOD.

Dear Diary,

Though I find the CW’s teen-oriented bloodsucker drama “The Vampire Diaries” to be completely unwatchable, I can’t stop masturbating staring at the photos of its bikini-clad stars Nina Dobrev and Candice Accola frolicking on the beaches of Miami. Does that make me a bad person?

“The Vampire Diaries” airs at 8 p.m. on Thursday nights on the CW. But, if you want to see the starlets in something good, you can check out 20-year-old Dobrev in the 2006 cult classic Repo! The Gentic Opera and 22-year-old Accola in one of 2008’s best horror films: Deadgirl.

The winners of the 36th annual People’s Choice Awards were announced tonight during a  star-studded ceremony held at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles. Among the chosen: Twilight, “True Blood,” “The Vampire Diaries,” and “Supernatural.”

Summit Entertainment’s brooding-vamp juggernaut The Twilight Saga nabbed four awards, including Favorite Movie, Favorite Franchise, Favorite Onscreen Team (Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner), and Favorite Breakout Movie Actor (Taylor Lautner).

HBO’s “True Blood,” starring Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, took home the much deserved Favorite TV Obsession honor, while the CW scored a Favorite New TV Drama win for its teen-vampire soap “The Vampire Diaries” and a nod for Favorite Sci-fi/Fantasy for its long-running “Supernatural” series.

For a complete list of winners in all categories, visit The People Under the Age of 12 Choice Awards The People’s Choice website.

Overture Films has set an Oct. 1 release date for its highly anticipated remake of the 2004 Swedish vampire tale Let the Right One In. Directed by Matt Reeves (Cloverfield), the film has been renamed Let Me In and stars 13-year-old Kodi Smit-McPhee (The Road) as the story’s bullied loner and 12-year-old Chloe Moretz (Kick Ass) as his vampire girlfriend and guardian.

The official synopsis reads:

An alienated 12-year-old boy befriends a mysterious young newcomer in his small New Mexico town, and discovers an unconventional path to adulthood in Let Me In, a haunting and provocative thriller written and directed by filmmaker Matt Reeves (Cloverfield).

Twelve-year old Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee) is viciously bullied by his classmates and neglected by his divorcing parents. Achingly lonely, Owen spends his days plotting revenge on his middle school tormentors and his evenings spying on the other inhabitants of his apartment complex. His only friend is his new neighbor Abby (Chloe Moretz), an eerily self-possessed young girl who lives next door with her silent father (Oscar®nominee Richard Jenkins). A frail, troubled child about Owens’s age, Abby emerges from her heavily curtained apartment only at night and always barefoot, seemingly immune to the bitter winter elements. Recognizing a fellow outcast, Owen opens up to her and before long, the two have formed a unique bond.

When a string of grisly murders puts the town on high alert, Abby’s father disappears, and the terrified girl is left to fend for herself. Still, she repeatedly rebuffs Owen’s efforts to help her and her increasingly bizarre behavior leads the imaginative Owen to suspect she’s hiding an unthinkable secret.

The gifted cast of Let Me In takes audiences straight to the troubled heart of adolescent longing and loneliness in an astonishing coming-of-age story based on the best-selling Swedish novel Lat den Ratte Komma In (Let the Right One In) by John Ajvide Lindqvist, and the highly-acclaimed film of the same name.

Let Me In is currently shooting in New Mexico.

Let the Right One In is included in Clatto’s prestigious 15 Vampire Movies That Won’t Make You Gay list.

Leonardo DiCaprio and Marion Cotillard play husband and wife in director Christopher Nolan’s (The Dark Knight) upcoming psychological thriller Inception. These pics were taken during a day’s shoot in Paris. The film is slated for release on July 16.

Inception costars Ellen Page (Hard Candy), Joseph Gordan-Levitt (Halloween H2O), Cillian Murphy (Red Eye), Marion Cotillard (Big Fish), Ken Watanabe (Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant), Tom Hardy (Star Trek: Nemesis), and Michael Cain (The Dark Knight).

To see the latest film’s trailer, click here.

Director Jake Kennedy must have fallen for the champagne room scam one too many times. The man hates strippers and is out for payback in his new ultra-violent slasher Penance, starring Marieh Delfino (Jeepers Creepers 2), Eve Mauro (Wicked Lake), Graham McTavish (Pandemic), Michael Rooker (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer), and, the absolute worst actor in the history of cinema, Tony Todd (Candyman).

The synopsis reads:

PENANCE is the tale of a young, demure single mother, Ameilia (Delfino), who hits upon hard times and decides to take her future into her own hands and becomes a stripper. Everything is going well until Suzy, her stripper friend, is beaten up on a job and recruits Amelia to take her place. Reluctantly, Amelia takes the job, only to find the job isn’t everything it seems. Driven to a strange location by a dark and mysterious man (Todd), and confronted by a grizzled hit man (Rooker), Amelia’s world is turned upside down, as her captor (McTavish), is intent on one thing and one thing only – to purify Amelia and the other women in his incarceration.

Check out the trailer:

While I’m not down with the torture and murder of strippers (what’s next … puppies?), I was thinking of watching this flick to see all the gratuitous T&A Kennedy surely got from his cast of desperate and misguided newbie female talent. But, then I saw the following clip and am suddenly not too sure. Take a look (skip to the three-minute mark if you’re of the impatient type).

Only the ball-less wonders at Fangoria could fawn over some dude losing his junk.